Making the Grade: Report Cards for Parents

Grade checks, teacher conferences, report cards. School-age kids are given updates on their performance on a regular basis. It lets them know the areas in which they are excelling and those which could use a little more effort.

Performance reviews and pay raises do the same for adults in the workplace. But what about performance reviews for the most important job an adult takes on: parenting?

Parenting is fraught with insecurities. Yet there's no routine performance reviews or quarterly report cards to let Mom and Dad know if their worries are justified. And commendations and applause from kids for a job well-done are rare occurrences, indeed.

So why not institute performance reviews on your own? Give your "supervisor" - your child - a chance to let you know how effective she thinks you are in your job. Doing so will reveal where you excel as a parent and expose areas which could use some work. And it willthe door to communication with your child - an A-plus reason to do anything as a parent.

Subject Matters
Think about the areas of parenting that are most important to you. What are your expectations for the job? What values do you want to impart? What do you hope to achieve as a parent?

Brainstorm statements, from your child's point of view, that you want your child to rate. Every parent will have different issues and concerns, depending on the age of the child, but here are some to consider:

• My parent appreciates me for who I am
• My parent respects my privacy
• My parent spends time talking with me
• My parent is a good example
• My parent promotes my spiritual well-being
• My parent is someone I can go to when I'm upset
• My parent treats me fairly
• My parent encourages me to learn new things
• My parent is involved in my school life and homework
• My parent makes me feel loved and important
• My parent controls her/his temper
• My parent encourages me to achieve my dreams and goals

Set It Up
Create the report card by listing the topics you want graded down the left side of a paper. To the right of each statement, indicate the grades - A, B, C, D or F - for your child to circle accordingly.

Keep in mind that Mom and Dad are different people. They have different strengths and weaknesses, which warrants a separate report card for each.

Let the Grading Begin
Choose a time to have your child complete the report card. You'll get a more accurate opinion from your child if you administer the process when emotions are not running high. If you've recently grounded your teenage daughter from the car or taken away Junior's Nintendo, you may want to wait until the resentment fades a bit.

Younger children might need your help reading the statements. If so, completing the card together is a great opportunity to discuss the grades and the reasons they were chosen.

Older kids will want some personal space to consider the grades. Respect that. Hand them the report card and a pencil then leave the room.

The Truth Might Hurt
Children are usually more brutally honest than we'd like them to be when it comes to pointing out faults. Keep that in mind and don't administer a grade check if you don't think you're able to handle the worst-case scenario - your kid telling you you're a bad parent.

The areas of parenting in which you may feel you're outstanding might be the ones your son or daughter feel most negatively about. But you may also find that he or she applauds you for things you thought you were failing to do.

Talk About It
After the initial shock, review each statement with your child. Accept the compliments as well as the criticisms. Respect what he or she has to say without being defensive and welcome suggestions for improvement. Make it a constructive, positive experience for both of you. You wouldn't berate your boss if he rated you poorly so give your child the same courtesy.

Asking kids to honestly tell you what they think of you takes courage. Your child is the most important person in the world to you so you'll naturally want to be revered by him. Take heart in the lines of communication you've created just by asking for his opinion.

Administer the grading process on a regular basis to gauge your relationship as it grows and changes. There will undoubtedly be peaks and valleys throughout the course of parenting. The important thing is knowing where you need improvement and working on it - and patting yourself on the back for all those above-average grades you'll get, too.

For a Sample Report Card you can print out, CLICK HERE.