Why Your Child Needs a Mentor

As parents we want to be everything to our children. We hope and often believe we have all the tools necessary to help them through life, teaching them the morals, values and skills we expect them to possess and exercise once they reach adulthood.

But there's no such thing as SuperParent and it's impossible to meet every need of our children on our own. It is possible to help them find the resources and support they require by encouraging them to participate in a mentoring relationship with another adult.

The Search Institute, a non-profit organization dedicated to improving the lives of today's youth, identified 40 developmental "assets" or characteristics which children should possess in order to become healthy and successful adults. One of the essential assets is a relationship with at least three adults other than the child's parents.

However, a survey conducted by the Search Institute showed that only 49% of 6th through 12th graders have non-parent adults whom they can turn to for advice and support. Just 42% of the kids surveyed said they have in-depth conversations with adults other than parents on a regular basis. Additional research shows that only 2% of our nation's 13.6 million most vulnerable youth are currently involved in mentoring relationships.

Mentors are not important only for disadvantaged or at-risk children. There are numerous benefits to any child involved in a mentoring relationship.

• Teens with mentors are more successful in school. They are 53% less likely to skip classes and mentored students improved their grades by 59%. They are less disruptive in class and are more likely to graduate from high school and go to college.
• Young people with mentors engage in fewer dangerous behaviors and have fewer arrests. They are 46% less likely to begin using illegal drugs and 27% less likely to use alcohol. They're also 33% less likely to hit another person.
• Having a mentor increases a child's self confidence. They have better personal skills, higher expectations of themselves and improved relationships with adults and other youth.

Exactly what is a mentor? Mentors take many forms. Mentors can be:

• a coach
• a youth group leader
• a neighbor
• an aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather or any other caring relative
• a babysitter
• a teacher or counselor
• a parent's friend or co-worker
• a volunteer in an organized mentoring program

Any person committed to providing empathy, understanding, support and advice to a child other than their own can be a mentor.

There are several types of mentoring relationships:

• Informal mentoring -- child and a caring adult connect in a natural, unstructured situation. This occurs when a friend, relative or neighbor commits to regularly interacting with a child. There usually is not a specific time-frame to which an adult commits in an informal mentoring scenario.
• Formal mentoring -- mentoring takes place as part of an organized program, usually on an individual basis. An example is the pairing of youth with a business person in the field a child is considering as a career choice.
• Group mentoring -- one adult volunteers to work with several youth. Coaches and scouting leaders are the most common type of mentor in this situation.
• Long-term and short-term, focused activity mentoring -- relationships in which there is a pre-determined time commitment and desired end-result. This is often seen in tutoring situations.

Watching your child form intense relationships with other adults can be disconcerting to a parent. It's hard to let go and give a child room to share confidences and good times with another adult, particularly if your own relationship with your child is a bit rocky.

Ease your mind a bit by encouraging your son or daughter to be involved with an adult or organization you trust. Never intrude on the relationship but keep the lines of communicationbetween you and your child.

Most of all, relax. Mentoring isn't a quest to replace you, it's an opportunity to create a well-rounded human being with the aid of other caring, supportive adults. Take advantage of the opportunity -- and consider mentoring someone else's child in return for the favor.

If you are considering becoming a mentor, here are a few questions to ask yourself.